i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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