You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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