well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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