In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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