why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
