Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
