I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
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