i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
