Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I want her autograph on my taint
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
