After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Randomize
