3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
