in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
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