Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
