it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize