David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
