Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
