oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
