So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
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