Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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