What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Randomize
