Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
