Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
