I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
