and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
