Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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