Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
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