The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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