i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
