when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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