I heard we made out
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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