Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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