That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
