If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
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There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
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My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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