She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
These Attractive Criminals Got Modeling Contracts After Getting Arrested
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.