Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I have tasted many bathrooms