You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
