jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
