he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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