Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
