You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
