You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
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