it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
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