Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
