if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize