Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
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