i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
