gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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