im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize