Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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