she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Randomize
