I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Your cock deserves a montage
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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