I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
