i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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