You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
