operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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