omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
