All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
