i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
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