Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize
