I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
